So realistic it's in your face.

E3 bored us.  It was basically Microsoft reinventing the Wii and Sony talking about all the non-exclusive games they are releasing.  The whole thing was a horrible meh-fest.  At least until Nintendo had a go.

After going on about Super Zelda Mario Princess Kong Other Whatever for what felt like a while, they then started talking about the 3DS, their eighteenth successor to the Nintendo DS.  As you’ll all know by now, it does “3D and shit, yeah?” but without glasses (totally invalidating that pic over there).

Of course, we couldn’t see the 3D over the piss-poor streams we were struggling with but the shrieking E3 crowd got to try it out.  The main goodness came from the list of games that will be on it.  AssCreed, Saints Row and FUCKING PILOTWINGS BABY.  So, now we want one.  In our pants.

Price is now being discussed and Nintendo are rather unhelpfully saying “[On] price, we haven’t made any kind of announcement at the moment, but the Nintendo DSi is available for around £129.99,” said UK marketing manager James Honeywell this week.

“The Nintendo DSi XL, with the larger screens, is around £159.99. So obviously, it’s going to fit, kind of, somewhere within that kind of architecture.”

We found that news on C&VG and reported it to you in a sarcastic way.

First I'm gonna get ya then when I got ya I'm gonna gat ya.

If there is one thing that PEOWW wanted to see, it was a light gun for the 360/PS3 (well, mostly the 360 but to stop the ‘readers’ of N4G reading more into that, yeah yeah we know, Microsoft are twats).

Well colour us badly if our old friends at Actingthecuntivision aren’t on the case already.  Indeed they are preparing to release this monstrosity onto the market for all the major consoles.  Sure, it looks like the ugliest piece of shit we’ve ever seen but WOOOO!!!! it’s a light gun!  And that makes us moist.

But wait!  This is Actingthecuntivision right and they hate us, yes?  Yes.  The game this is launching with is Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts 2011.  Fuck our lives, Lord.  Whether or not this will translate into a brand new House of the Dead, Time Crisis or Confidential Mission remains to be seen.  Our bet is no.  It’ll be used for fucking shooting virtual deer in the face.  Fucking Activision.

Ch-ch-changes.

Man, fuck this summer drought, eh? PEOWW feels to need to do more but these publishing houses, they dribble out new games and it slows down our sexuality.

So we’re doing two things.  One is uploading more news.  Us doing the news?  Yep, we used to.  Lots of years back.  We were good too *reminisces* but these days though we’ve been letting other, bigger sites do all that as we found the whole thing too horrifying to contemplate.  Well no more!  We’re doing news again.  Admittedly, it won’t really be news.  It’ll be news that’s a couple of days old with all the key points turned into swears.  Like how mum used to review.

Also, while we’re keeping our trademarked (in Crash magazine) two reviewers format for our reviews, any games that we miss because only one of buys them (ie – all these fucking lemons I keep buying) may well get a mini-review.  These aren’t going in the review index because our reviews are two-man review sex in your eyes.  But these fucking lemons need to be spoken about.

Look!  There’s one below.  Darkstar One.  It’s worth getting on the cheap.  See?  We’re helping already.