Diabolical Three

Diablo III, the mouse-clickingly clicky role-playing game for the PC, will not be coming to the consoles after all according to a statement issued yesterday by Blizzard.  Bit odd considering that it’d sell millions and wouldn’t be the first Diablo to make it onto a console.

Oh well, they are probably doing it just to irritate YOU.  You know, what with them being Activision’s geekier twin brother these days.

We stole this news from True Achievements because their scanners are down and we miss them.

So, when does your shift end?

Crazy Taxi, the japesome Sega arcade driving game, is definitely confirmed for a November release on PSN and XBLA and will cost 800M$P.

It’s likely to be a relatively straight port of the Dreamcast version which included the Arcade Mode, a remixed mode and a few mini games.

Hopefully it’ll have more than two songs on it and, despite what the purists says, we’ll be more than happy to lose to screechy pop punk of The Offspring as well.

Plleeeaaassseee.... kiiiiillll uussssss...

Microsoft’s innovative Wii rip-off, Kinect, has apparently already sold out in pre-order stage.  Albeit only at Game, who despite us having a trade affiliate status with them (albeit with an unpublished link) is a place where we never ever shop without first having our shots.

Expect  horrible eBay cunts to leap all over this and start listing the fucking thing for £400 or something.

Put the glasses on, man.

Although EA and Activision generally get the most abuse from us, we’re definitely taking a disliking to THQ.  They were one of the first publishers to scupper pre-owned buyers by locking out multiplayer and now they are going one further by offering gamers the chance to pre-order DLC for a fixed price.

800M$P will buy you “selected” future DLC released for the new Smackdown Vs. Whatever game. 

Or, you know, you could just release the full fucking game instead of nickel and diming your fans.  Still, it’s only a rasslin’ game so we’re likely to be completely unaffected.

Fucking lizard!

Given the cut-throat nature of the gaming industry right now it seems ridiculous that anyone would try to release a new console onto the market but that’s what Panasonic are doing.

The ‘Jungle’ (oh dear) is going to be a portable MMO player with a DS-like clam-shell design with a QWERTY keyboard, touchpad, two D-pads and shoulder buttons and is expected to run a Linux operating system.

In terms of games, all we know is that it’ll get browser-based RuneScape and Battlestar Galactica MMOs.  In terms of success, we’re expecting this to perform incredibly badly.